I'm back but not as the same person

I'm back but not only am I no longer a Torrance but also I've unexpectedly gained a whole new persona. Perhaps I should explain.

The name change is the easy bit. Last year I became Mrs Jones in the conventional way by marriage. I won't dwell on that however and instead discuss that in another article.

The new persona is my focus today. In July Mrs Jones gained a new name of mum. That's right... We bumped uglies and made a third head for our household. Winston was welcomed into the world 28.07.2029 and I couldn't be more in love. Cue photo

The love for this little monster wasnt the surprise. The surprise was how having him would change me. I always thought I'd never let anything change me as a person, not marriage nor children. I am however here to confirm that willingly or not having children does change you.

Firstly, before the child comes the pregnancy. 

Pregnancy is different for everyone. As a big girl I was worried my own gluttony would risk my unborn child. As soon as I knew I was pregnant I started to eat healthier. I didn't want anything I do to harm this little life. For me the first 6 months of pregnancy were uneventful. I had not a single symptom, not sickness, discomfort, dizziness, nothing. In fact I felt quite disappointed almost like I wasn't pregnant at all. At 6 months I found out I had gestational diabetes. Suddenly I felt so guilty. It felt like my gluttony had caught up with me and this was my punishment, and worse I felt for sure I'd loose baby as a result. I began on a strict diet but still my sugar levels wouldn't behave. I ended up on medication to stabilise my sugar levels which made me feel just as bad, as though I couldn't do anything right. Now paranoia is no stranger to me as I'm already quite an anxious paranoid person. The guilt, melancholy and self hatred however were very new and hard feelings to process. The next 2 and a bit months of pregnancy were therefore really hard. Those last week's of pregnancy felt like years and when my contractions started 2 weeks early (started the first day of my official maternity leave which I am very proud of) I was entirely relieved to know not only would it be over but also I'd get to meet little man finally.

This relief was short-lived. 27 hours of contractions later I naturally delivered Winston with no bodily trauma to either or us. When he was first handed to me I did not feel overwhelming love like they show on TV. I felt only relief. Relief the pregnancy was over, relief I'd never have another contraction and finally relief I could stop the diabetes blood tests and eat normally again. That overwhelming feeling of love for this new life didn't hit me for another few days and although I know that's fine, there's still that niggling feeling of guilt. 

Guilt didn't stop there. In my little mans first few weeks he dropped 11% of his birth weight. Although a weight loss is normal 11% is outside the safe range and I had to begin supplimenting my breast feeds with formula. This felt like another failure on my part and again that guilt and self hatred was eating me up inside. Still it worked and the little Mr gained weight. 

We decided to keep with both breastfeeding and formula feeding since it wasn't doing any harm. That was until it was. Suddenly at 6 weeks he started having severe constipation with the formula. His poor screams when he was trying to pass poop was another hard stab of guilt and failure. Could I do anything right for my little man?

So a new journey began of only breastfeeding at week 8... Following week we went for his first jabs only to be told his underweight. The way the gp spoke to me was almost like they were getting ready to take him away from me and rush him to hospital. I have never felt so bad in my life. Thankfully it really wasn't that big an issue. GP's really know very little about babies hence the panic but a pediatrician put his worries to rest. Still that feeling of being a failure lingers.

Yesterday bubs turned 13 weeks and it's taken this long to find out he is tongue tied. This is why he struggled to feed and therefore gain weight. All those feelings of guilt and self depreciation however dont just go away.

This new person isn't someone I recognize. I've never been a bully let alone a bully to myself. I don't feel low but I've found motherhood lonely. Covid certainly doesn't help but I've become shocked by how much I rely others for support. My husband although also going through this with me doesn't have those guilt feelings because I am the feeder and have felt I've failed that one task.

Please don't see this as a plea for pity or help. It isn't. What this is, is sharing. A problem shared is a problem halted they say. Well more a problem shared is informing others. These are all common issues new parents have but issues which not everyone talks about. You should talk about them and you shouldn't be ashamed. All your child wants from you is love and I'm happy to work for this little monsters smiles all day and night if I have to.

Today is a new day and certainly since finding out there is a fixable solution for little misters feeding issues my mood has greatly improved. Everyday my love for him grows even though everyday I feel like I couldn't love him more than I do today. I love everyday with him even the hard ones when he wakes every hour throughout the night or screams the house down all day and night. One look into that little face and I melt. 

The new Laura has more love, patience and resilience than she ever did before. She's felt more in the last few months than she has ever felt in all her life. Good or bad she wouldn't trade this life for any other.

If you made it this far in the blog then thank you for reading and I hope you can take something from this to help should you need it.

Weddings - Is it really that hard?

For those who do not know, I got engaged in August last year. For those who do know me, you are probably well aware I've been waiting for this for a long, long, long, long time.

Whenever people mention weddings the response always starts "yay congratulations" swiftly followed by "I do not envy you". Quite honestly I don't see what all the fuss is about.

I love planning. Give me an excuse to research and make lists and I'm one happy lady! So wedding planning so far has been a breeze. We had venue, catering, entertainment, photobooth and registration for the registrar tied down in the first initial month.

Wedding 4 months away (BLOODY HELL THSTS CREPT UP ON ME) and other than the misters suit and rings we are done! Oh and the little thing that is payment..... Yeah that too.

I've really enjoyed wedding planning. The only thing I didn't enjoy was dress shopping which I will elaborate on in another episode sometime.

To any new brides to be out there I say don't panic! Wedding planning is only stressful if you let it be. Enjoy every moment and don't let anyone rush you into a decision.

Wedding sneak peaks to follow in future episodes...

Peace out ✌️🕊️

The Chronicles of trying to be more woman - Episode 21 - EXPOSED

For anyone who has come across this blog due to the word "exposed" or due to the promise of baring my flesh.... PERVERT. For the rest of you who understand my sense of humour, this article will show my terrible skin stripped bare for you all to see.

Recently my skin has been truly horrendous due to multiple allergic reactions, some unexplained and some sadly caused by my own hand. By my own hand you ask? Well recently after using some of my usual make up staples I came up in a terrible rashy breakout. Had my make up gone off? No. New skin care? No. I regret to inform you reader that it was because i was using a sponge which had been used multiple times without cleaning. Anyway sponge thrown and brushes now cleaned on with this article.

How do i rid myself of the after affects of a natural unexplained allergic reaction and one I triggered myself? Let me begin with the canvas i have to work with.... my bare naked flesh:

As you can see other than my naturally unholy bright rosy cheeks, i am currently adorned with some rather nasty blemishes due to the hives which came to visit.

As my recent allergic reactions show, I have fairly sensitive skin. This means perfumed products are often off limits to me, but you'd be surprised how many other products which claim to be "natural" are far from.

Currently to rid myself of these bountiful blemishes I'm using a combination of products. From high street, to luxury, to prescription. Lets begin my routine:

Body Shop; Tea Tree skin clearing foaming cleanser £6.00: Short product name ay? I always love a strong smell such as tea tree. It just smells medicinal and clean! It tingles which i hope means its working....

Cowshed; Chamomile Refreshing Toner £17: This also has a strong fragrance to it, however i do not find this pleasant. Its a little bit too old fashioned and flowery scent for my tastes. It does however seem to be doing the job of keeping my skin clear.

MSD; Elocon ointment (prescription only): Primarily i have this ointment to treat my psoriasis but this also is used for when i have allergic reactions which can be frequent, especially in the winter.   I've been using this cream very sparingly for a few days. As its a steroid cream Its important to use sparingly as not only does the steroid's absorb through the skin, it can also thin your skin. This does however conveniently also clear the blemishes fairly quickly. BUT SERIOUSLY FOLKS, use as your doctor tells you.

So far the above combination is working. Only time will tell how affective this is.

I hope you have enjoyed my return to my blog. Sorry if you only came looking for naked pictures. I tricked you on purpose.

If you have any suggestions for future articles, please let me know.

Peace out ☮🕊

The chronicles of trying to be more woman - Episode 21 - new year, new hair

It's been well over a year since my last hair cut, let alone last time my hair was dyed. New year, new hair seemed appropriate. 

In the past I've been adventurous with hair colours and cuts. I always want a fringe even though I am well aware that they never really suit me. Ok not true. I have fat round face syndrome (ok, I eat alot so my face is fat) and along with my fine, thin hair it means I can't carry off most hair styles. Bearing this in mind I am often left dissatisfied post hair cut. It's even more disappointing when I've paid a tremendous amount for my haircut and then not liked the outcome. 

On the flip side I've had many a great hairstyle. Some of the colourful looks were some of my favourites (as approved by my line manager who call it my happy hair) but these days as I creep closer to 30 I feel like I need to have more mature hair and I haven't had such wild looks. These days it's all about a ballyage and highlights, rather than flashes of pink and purple.

Finding a new hairdresser for me has always been a mission. Back when I lived with my parents I never found a hairdresser I loved so I got my hair done in different hairdressers every single time. This lead to some pretty bad haircuts. My mum's old hairdressers always had me leaving with hair flicked out at the ends like some 90's throwback. Another hairdresser once attempted neon pink highlights but left me with pale pink, barely noticeable ill placed streaks throughout. I had some successes with some hairdressers back then, like rush in Bromley who gave my chocolate brown hair with purple underneath. Til this day that was the best hair colour I ever had BUT the cut there wasn't great so.....

Once I moved out a new hairdressers opened up near work which offered local businesses a discount. I thought "what's the harm" and gave them a go...... And so a love story between me and my hairdresser Sam began. Sam's helped me achieve some great cuts and colours over the years. She gave me my first ballyage and talked me out of some pretty hideous ideas too. I always left so happy after having her cuts but alas.... She left the salon after a good 4 year run we had together. I booked up last time to have her only to be told when I arrived the next day for my appointment that she had left 3 months ago (oh yeah, didn't I mention that I generally get one cut a year). The new fella who did the cut on her place did not wow and the price of the cut was way too much for something I just "didn't mind".

So the hunt began this year when I decided it was time for a cut and colour after a years wait. The cut was never going to be a drastic one as I'm trying to grow my hair out but I did want a little shaping advice. Colour wise I wanted some white highlights... Why, I do not know but this is what I wanted.

Since rush Bromley did well with colour I decided to take a chance in the Maidstone branch of rush. I found a 50% off voucher online and so I booked in with a style director (because why not) meaning I was paying more or less what I would have paid in London.  First great indicator of a good hairdresser... She told me my idea was too drastic and would look cheap. I want my hairdressers to tell me what looks bad because I trust that they know best. When a hairdresser does exactly what I say it makes me nervous because history tells me my ideas need toning down before application. Secondly, she had the level of chat JUST right. She didn't force conversation but she did tentatively try to initiate conversation. Im a chatty bitch so of course I chatted away but sometimes even I want quiet time and she would leave me to it when the time was right.

The idea of a style I initially went in with was, highlights to blend into my 2 year old ballyage but extreme highlights being mainly white with a trim and perhaps some shaping. So with this idea she toned back my highlights and added some other tones, but not many white highlights, mainly making the highlights honey colours. She did a trim and shaping to just the level which suited. She didn't force any product on me which was definitely refreshing though she did recommend some shampoo which will keep the blonde brighter. This recommendation also included "don't buy it in store here, it's even cheaper on our website". It's nice to know she acknowledges her store prices were extortionate.

So... How does it look? I will show you but first.... How did it look before?

Then during.....

Now the grand reveal that is... After......

Since I have taken the bold move to share this look with the world via the blog, you can take that as i do indeed love the new colour/cut. Jade is my new hairdresser and should you be in Maidstone needing a cut, do visit her at Rush.

Hope you enjoyed this installment of trying to be more woman. 

That's all I have for now. Peace out ☮️✌️

The chronicles of trying to be more woman - Episode 20 - welcome to my work essentials

I'm sure I'm not alone when it comes to work essential beauty items. Now this isn't talking about your handbag essentials like a make up bag (or two), some hand sanitizer, some hand cream and all the rest. No, not these bits. I'm talking about the items that live on my desk permanently and are replaced as and when required.

Let's begin with my must have.... Hand sanitizer. I have my small travel one everywhere I go but for my desk only 300ml will do. We all have read the many statistics about office and more importantly toilet hygiene. I may wash my hands thoroughly when I arrive in the office and every time I visit the ladies but I am well aware and have witnessed that a number of people don't live by the same rules. I still share banisters, door handles, taps etc with these people who fall into the "other" category so hand sanitizer is a must for office life. Plus whenever I have a cold I can feel a little cleaner and less like i am spreading the plague.....

Another must have which as I get older (you'd think I was 50 or something) I'm finding more and more need for is a good hand moisturiser. With this I've also become quite the moisturiser judge. I really don't want something that soaks in too quickly as usually that means the affects are short lived also. On the flip side I don't want a moisturiser which leaves me greasy meaning when i go to use my mouse that o leave a grubby greasy hand print. I need a good balance which is shockingly hard to find.

I don't generally wear cosmetics to work but in case I do or incase I put some on whilst at work I always keep you hand a handy pack of face wipes. They usually dry out before I finish the pack but it's always handy to have.

Lastly due to my eye surgery last year and having a mostly computer based job, I do have the need for eye drops. These are just false tears to wet my eyes in times of need. I find myself using them just as the director needs my help making it look like I'm crying every time he asks me a question. It's pure chance and in fact the other day he caught me in the act of moistening my eyes and stopped halfway through his sentence and let me finish. Hopefully that means he knows his presence doesn't reduce me to tears.......

Now to review the actual products:

Tiger, hand sanitizer - this handy large size bottle is great for my desk. Its how I want a hand sanitizer to be. It cleans and leaves a clean alcohol scent behind. 10/10 from me

Crabtree & Evelyn , hand cream - I received this as part of a recent choice from Latest In beauty. This is a small tube but you don't need much to cover/coat your whole hand. It is a little oily for my liking plus the scent is totally old lady, so I will not be purchasing this again however pricing ranging from £4 (they are having a sale at the moment) to £18 it is an affordable item.

Superdrug, eye drops - these are not as good/long lasting as the false tears I got after my surgery but these are more than half the price and do enough of a job for my current needs. I now have a choice to what eye drops I can use so I will experiment once this bottle finishes.

Primark, argan oil face wipes - the scent of these wipes is...strange. I cannot put my finger on it but it's neither pleasant not unpleasant. I am not left feeling moisturised after using these as the pack indicates however they do the job of removing makeup and face paint

Charlie, Pink - A teen classic but also really handy as a spray in the desk. This comes in handy at Christmas and summer work parties 

That's it for the work essentials. These or similar products are the constants for me. I have a make up bag but that will be another day and another blog article for handbag essentials.

Hope you enjoyed and feel free to comment/query.

Peace out. ☮䷊🕊

Life - Who doesn't love a freebie?

At work over the last year we've had some great freebies which is a great office perk. Looking in papers these days there are always people out there working out how to feed a family of four for £1 per head per day or most recently, families affording Christmas at rock bottom prices. I've always been a bargain hunter and Christmas is when I am in my element but people always ask me, where am i getting these bargains and how do i find them? The answer; by putting in a lot of effort.


Lets begin with the cheapest of cheaps... freebies.

My work place use a company called Gems At Work. Sign up your office today to get freebies. All they ask for in return is a review of the products sent over for their market research.

Here is one of the recent freebies we had:

Recently in the office we had another freebie at the same time as the above by chance as a someone on our customer service team won a competition as per the below:

For my own freebies I've recently been applying through Magic Freebies. This site is a little "hit and miss" but I've found a lot of the money saver articles suggest this site. Mainly I apply for samples this way but even with samples I receive only 40% of what I apply for.

Onto bargains. I am a bargain queen if I do say so myself. I hate to pay full price for anything and have become so used to paying low prices that faced with full priced items I dispair at the full price ticket.

My favourite site for the last year has been everything5pound. This wonderful site sells everything for £5 (shocker right). A lot of thier product are previous seasons branded items. From here I've bought ASOS, h&m, new look , cameo rose, topshop and many other brands we know and love for as I've said before £5. It is hit and miss so you could end up with something cheap looking as well as cheap costing. I've now got colleagues hooked on this site and j hope you become hooked too.

Everyone knows about Primark of course but as we all know this is another hit or miss store..often I have asked colleague "where did you get that" they tell me primark and I'm astonished. How do people find these gems? I've had a few which i was really pleased with but generally i usually leave with something i like but not love.

Believe it or not even places like Poundland and Aldi are upping thier homeware game currently and there are some great bargain finds in places like these if youre willing to take the time to look.



Lastly we have Discounts and Voucher codes.

I would do no shopping if not for discounts and voucher codes. For any big purchase my first port of call is Quidco. This website offers discounts and most importantly cash back on purchases. Some of these cashbacks are minuscule but its still more than nothing. This site also gives you the ability to sign up a card and for instore purchases at certain stores you will still get cashback when using this nominated card. I've made on average £70 a year on this site for the last three years.

For most discount codes, especially those for fast food i simply google search the store/restaurant "voucher codes". This usually brings up a plethera of sites to choose from. Two of my favourites are Voucher codes and Hot deals UK. These are hit and miss as a number of codes will be out of date but also these codes are provided by outside sources and are often unreliable.

Currently with my beauty boxes i am searching for a number of codes online but also using my one stop source of information on beauty boxes Which beauty box UK.On this site you will find not only reviews about the latest beauty boxes but also some discount codes. Its been really helpful.



The above are not the only options as occasionally I've been known to even barter in store (especially furniture stores) but this is a rough guide to how i do get bargains.

Well that's all i have for you on this.

Peace Out ☮䷊🕊

The Chronicles of "trying to be more woman" - Episode 19 - The weekly list (which is becomming less regular)

Apologies to anyone who is actually keeping regular tabs on this blog trying to read some of my more regular updates, for which there havent been many. I'd say life got in the way but actually i have very little on my plate at the moment, especially in comparison to how it's been the rest of this year. Just had some time to myself so spent it with me, myself and I.


Well onto the main topic of this article. Let us begin with the new stuff:

 
I'm sorry to say that even over a week theres not much to show for it on the new side of things however these two newbies are massive winners for me so hopefully that makes up for the lack of variety.


Soaper Duper - Rich and creamy shea butter body wash
I am in LOVE with this body wash.This came with my cosmopolitan latest in beauty box which i am still yet to review however for sure this was the best item in the box. The smell is delicious but i struggle to put into words why i find the smell so enticing. This leaves a wonderful scent on your skin without making it irritated (for new readers, i have Psoriasis and Eczema so struggle to find body washes). The texture of this is light and comes out very fluid. I would love to buy this again but it is more expensive than i'd usually buy.

Currently available in Tesco for £4.33


Murad - AHA/BHA Exfoliating cleanser
I recieved this in my Latest in Beauty (my own picks) recently. I chose this as it was the best rated exfoliating cleanser in thier selection however i was unsure as it's been available as a choice for some time which indicates it was perhaps unpopular (average review doesn't reflect lots of reviews, just mainly good ones). I am happy to report that this didn't disapoint. My skin feels better after use and seems a lot clearer. Until i choose myself a decent moistouriser it is hard to judge enitrely how well this is working. I am however happy that i recieved another bottle of this cleanser with another box as reviewed here which means i get to use this for even longer. Sadly to say the full price product is fairly expensive meaning once these bottles are gone i may not purchase again. Saying that this has lasted me almost 2 weeks and this is a small bottle.....

£35 per bottle



Now for the empties:

Rosie for Autograph - Nuit Parfum
Recieved as a part of latest in beauty box I was excited to try this when it came however upon reciept i was sorely disapointed. My hope was to use this as an alternate perfume for work, which i did use however i really found the scent old fashioned and too flowery. I won't be trying this again but it would make a great present for someones nan.

Available at marks and spencers for £28

 

The Body Shop - Satsuma body wash
Smells beautifully fresh but doesnt leave much of a lasting scent. I've used this before and reveiwed this before because it is one of my favourites. Always an added bonus that The body Shop are against animal testing.

Not currently available online but is usually £5 in store


Aldi - Dentix 6 in 1 Mouthwash
I've reviewed this before but as always i was impressed with this mouthwash. This really leaves long lasting minty freshness but also makes my teeth feel great.

Absolute steal at only 95p


Rituals - Ritual of Sakura foaming shower gel
I tried this out in Belgium and didn't like it. I tried it again when i came back and i really don't like it. Not only do i find the scent inattractive but also this made me sting in.... lets say some sensitive areas... YES... there. This product is fairly expensive for an everyday product but also it irritated my skin quite badly. Never again. I also reveiwed this product here.

Available for £8.50 from the rituals site.


Well the Mr has no input this week so in the famous words of Looney Tunes "thats all folks".

Peace out ☮䷊🕊