I'm back but not as the same person

I'm back but not only am I no longer a Torrance but also I've unexpectedly gained a whole new persona. Perhaps I should explain.

The name change is the easy bit. Last year I became Mrs Jones in the conventional way by marriage. I won't dwell on that however and instead discuss that in another article.

The new persona is my focus today. In July Mrs Jones gained a new name of mum. That's right... We bumped uglies and made a third head for our household. Winston was welcomed into the world 28.07.2029 and I couldn't be more in love. Cue photo

The love for this little monster wasnt the surprise. The surprise was how having him would change me. I always thought I'd never let anything change me as a person, not marriage nor children. I am however here to confirm that willingly or not having children does change you.

Firstly, before the child comes the pregnancy. 

Pregnancy is different for everyone. As a big girl I was worried my own gluttony would risk my unborn child. As soon as I knew I was pregnant I started to eat healthier. I didn't want anything I do to harm this little life. For me the first 6 months of pregnancy were uneventful. I had not a single symptom, not sickness, discomfort, dizziness, nothing. In fact I felt quite disappointed almost like I wasn't pregnant at all. At 6 months I found out I had gestational diabetes. Suddenly I felt so guilty. It felt like my gluttony had caught up with me and this was my punishment, and worse I felt for sure I'd loose baby as a result. I began on a strict diet but still my sugar levels wouldn't behave. I ended up on medication to stabilise my sugar levels which made me feel just as bad, as though I couldn't do anything right. Now paranoia is no stranger to me as I'm already quite an anxious paranoid person. The guilt, melancholy and self hatred however were very new and hard feelings to process. The next 2 and a bit months of pregnancy were therefore really hard. Those last week's of pregnancy felt like years and when my contractions started 2 weeks early (started the first day of my official maternity leave which I am very proud of) I was entirely relieved to know not only would it be over but also I'd get to meet little man finally.

This relief was short-lived. 27 hours of contractions later I naturally delivered Winston with no bodily trauma to either or us. When he was first handed to me I did not feel overwhelming love like they show on TV. I felt only relief. Relief the pregnancy was over, relief I'd never have another contraction and finally relief I could stop the diabetes blood tests and eat normally again. That overwhelming feeling of love for this new life didn't hit me for another few days and although I know that's fine, there's still that niggling feeling of guilt. 

Guilt didn't stop there. In my little mans first few weeks he dropped 11% of his birth weight. Although a weight loss is normal 11% is outside the safe range and I had to begin supplimenting my breast feeds with formula. This felt like another failure on my part and again that guilt and self hatred was eating me up inside. Still it worked and the little Mr gained weight. 

We decided to keep with both breastfeeding and formula feeding since it wasn't doing any harm. That was until it was. Suddenly at 6 weeks he started having severe constipation with the formula. His poor screams when he was trying to pass poop was another hard stab of guilt and failure. Could I do anything right for my little man?

So a new journey began of only breastfeeding at week 8... Following week we went for his first jabs only to be told his underweight. The way the gp spoke to me was almost like they were getting ready to take him away from me and rush him to hospital. I have never felt so bad in my life. Thankfully it really wasn't that big an issue. GP's really know very little about babies hence the panic but a pediatrician put his worries to rest. Still that feeling of being a failure lingers.

Yesterday bubs turned 13 weeks and it's taken this long to find out he is tongue tied. This is why he struggled to feed and therefore gain weight. All those feelings of guilt and self depreciation however dont just go away.

This new person isn't someone I recognize. I've never been a bully let alone a bully to myself. I don't feel low but I've found motherhood lonely. Covid certainly doesn't help but I've become shocked by how much I rely others for support. My husband although also going through this with me doesn't have those guilt feelings because I am the feeder and have felt I've failed that one task.

Please don't see this as a plea for pity or help. It isn't. What this is, is sharing. A problem shared is a problem halted they say. Well more a problem shared is informing others. These are all common issues new parents have but issues which not everyone talks about. You should talk about them and you shouldn't be ashamed. All your child wants from you is love and I'm happy to work for this little monsters smiles all day and night if I have to.

Today is a new day and certainly since finding out there is a fixable solution for little misters feeding issues my mood has greatly improved. Everyday my love for him grows even though everyday I feel like I couldn't love him more than I do today. I love everyday with him even the hard ones when he wakes every hour throughout the night or screams the house down all day and night. One look into that little face and I melt. 

The new Laura has more love, patience and resilience than she ever did before. She's felt more in the last few months than she has ever felt in all her life. Good or bad she wouldn't trade this life for any other.

If you made it this far in the blog then thank you for reading and I hope you can take something from this to help should you need it.

Life - pets are family too

When you call your pet your baby you are always going to get those people who look at you like your mentally unstable. Just like parenthood however there are militant pet owners who will on the flip side tell you you aren't doing enough or your doing everything wrong.


Hi. My name's Laura and I'm addicted to giving my love to animals (even those which are not mine). I am a super animal lover.... Not to say I'm vegetarian or vegan (I love my furry friends but I do still eat some.... 😬). Yes I love animals and not just my own. I give my love to animals I meet on the street, in parks, in zoos and at friends houses (beware friends I could steal your pet). I've long loved furry creatures but as a child left the rearing and care of my creatures to my mum. Poor mum was left picking up dog poop, cleaning out fish tanks and scooping the poop for the hamster. It's only as an adult in my own home that I've met with the other side to pet ownership..... Others opinions of you.


When I bought my first place I was all on my own for a few years. Sure the boyfriend came to visit but it's a lonely life when he wasn't about. To keep me company I invited two guinea babies into my life. It was there my zoo began.....a year later I had also gained two budgie babies. Being that I had a one bed flat I decided (the boyfriend kind of demanded) that four pets were my limit.

Here's a baby Alpha:

Next question? What goes into the keeping of two guinea pigs and two budgies? Well I'm glad I asked. Firstly you need to decide where within the limited space of your one bed flat you can keep these babies? When i bought the guinea pigs from Pets at home i followed all the advices of the sales person. Since looking this up online apparently its not only the worse thing i could of done, but i also shouldn't have even bought them from there. Pets at home do not have the best reputation for the pets they sell but also for how they keep them whilst in their care. In my mind.... that means i rescued them..... right?




Well sales advice was to keep them in an indoor cage which was 1 metre long and 1/2 metre wide. Quickly i learned that two boy guinea pigs in such close confines was not a good idea. In the first 24 hours they fought fairly ruthlessly and poor foxtrot (my lil ginger baby) ended up with an infected bite on his neck. This meant the poor baby was on a weeks worth of antibiotics and painkillers (smelt like calpol and the fact he loved the taste of it tells me it probably was calpol). The next day my baby Alpha (the alpha of the pair - SHOCKER) poked himself in the eye with hay and gave himself an infected eye. This meant i had one guinea pig on antibiotics and painkillers and the other on eyedrops......Not only is it not great that within 48 hours two pets from pets at home were poorly but what was worse was the sales persons advice. When i bought  foxtrot back (pets at home as in house vets) with his swollen neck the sales person asked "if you like we can swap him for another." I asked you. What kind of question is that? That is a living animal....Of course i kept him. I make attachments VERY QUICKLY. It was a fun time for all three of us. I then upgraded to a large outdoor double hutch. Huge in fact as it was nearly 6 feet long and 5 feet tall. It was lovely and thick and in the winter i threw a huge throw over the top with some plastic covering and it was warmer in the hutch than it was in my flat!


Here we have some festive (not so) happy faces:

The second advice given by pets at home which was snubbed by forums i visited was the use of sawdust. Fellow pet owners suggested that sawdust assaults poor guinea pigs airways and also irritates their little feet. I'm not entirely sure about the feet thing but certainly it makes sense about them breathing in the dust of the sawdust. Instead I decided to use either a shredded cardboard (very eco friendly) or horse bedding. Yes horse bedding. I found this great stuff which is made from wood pulp, especially made for ponies post op as it is DUST FREE. This stuff doesn't smell too pleasant to be honest but it agrees with the guineas feet and airways.


Sometimes they even got on:

 

Before i moved again one of my furry babies passed away. Unfortunately me and the guinea baby got a particularly bad case of food poisoning from a cucumber. For a small furry it was deadly. Shortly after his passing we moved and  I soon moved my remaining fur baby back into the house so he wasn't as lonely. I'd love to find him another friend but as foxtrot was bullied by Alpha all those years he seemed to relish having a home to himself. He's an old fella and I'd doubt he'd want to make friends at his age since he's even become a grumpy bugger with me and Glenda. He currently lives in a big 6 feet long, one level on wheels. He loves nothing more than licking his Himalayan salt lick, running through his tunnel and hiding in his hut.


Just me and Foxy these days:

With the budgies i did learn my lesson and visited a breeder rather than a pet shop. I also chose my cage based on forum recommendations. These two are brothers but like the guinea pigs fought like demons. They however unlike the guinea pigs settled with age and now have loving relationship where they share their toys and perches.

My top tip for buying and caring for your pet. Don't make a rushed decision. If you want to purchase a pet then keep in mind how long they will live and how much it will hurt when they go. If you don't have the patience to keep caring for your pets for the years they may be with you, then don't buy a pet. If you can't afford the upkeep for a pet including any possible vet bills, then you shouldn't get a pet. Animal shelters are great places to pick up a new family member, because pets are 100% family, however they shouldn't need to exist. If more people were more responsible when taking on pets then there would be fewer shelters and less pets wondering why they were abandoned and wondering when they will meet their new family.


Well i hope you liked the advice but more importantly i hope you liked the pictures!

PEACE OUT 🕊☮

The chronicles of "trying to be more woman" - Episode 5, A date on the beach

After 6 years together me and the other half don't do "date nights" so often these days. Our date nights generally will be a trip to the theatre and dinner, or cinema and dinner, or dinner and trip to the local pub. You can see there is a trend with our dates. To break away from the norm' my other half asked me to think of something different. I was thinking that I wanted to do something he'd really like. You see, my other half is a gamer and doesn't overly enjoy leaving the house. His idea of spending time together is spending our time indoors sharing a nice meal with a bottle of wine (or port) between us. Whenever he does plan a venture out of the house its usually for my pleasure. As sweet as this is it feels a little unfair on him. My ideal date is a trip to somewhere where I can pet an animal, followed by shopping, followed by a meal and then maybe a couple of drinks in front of a film when we get home. You can tell I truly am a gal of simple tastes.  When I put my mind to thinking of dates for the Mr I was a little stumped. He likes the cinema, but there are no films he'd like to see at the moment. He likes the theatre but tickets are expensive and when you include his train ticket it gets a little out of our current budget. There is a game Expo this weekend in Birmingham which we have discussed attending before but the Saturday tickets were already sold out and on the Sunday there wasn't as much on.... This left me with one choice which suits us both... a day by the sea. The Ol British classic:

 Why do us Brits like the seaside so much? Well personally for me its the combination of three main things....The salty sea air, arcades and Fish and Chips (although I don't eat fish, the chips by the coast are always Superior for some reason). For me and the Mr we enjoyed a day of walking on the front, popping in and out of Arcade winning numerous toys and trinkets out of 2p machines and finishing our day in a fish and chippy. For us, it was a perfect day out, enjoying our selves and making the most having time alone together.









Back to the point of this article however... Of course for such a rare occasion I wanted to make an effort for the Mr. To do so I made sure I put real effort into the presentation of my face. He is a fan of my lipsticks since previously to learning my new skills (as few as they are) that's more or less all I'd wear on a night out. I love colour and my lipsticks are my statement style on my face. Below are the items I used and the outcome of these products used on my face:

I had to go fairly heavy with the foundation this time as since the wedding makeup application (The foundation used for my besties wedding by the makeup artist was not only the wrong colour, yellow but also applied as thick as you'd apply plaster to your wall and then the moisture mask on top of this, which i blogged about previously -refer back to http://torrancestips.blogspot.co.uk/2017/09/the-chronicles-of-trying-to-be-more.html for more info) I've had a bit of a mini breakout leaving me blotchy and spotty. MASS COVERAGE was most definitely required. Eye makeup wise, I am wearing eye shadow however due to my poor photo skills and my heavy brow its not like you can see this in this picture. Lips.... stand out obviously. That is my style and I suit most colours, but especially dark ones. Below I have listed all the products used as well as a bit of a close up of the bag and products for your inspection. Enjoy:

Make up bag: This was a birthday gift from my Jojo. I think it's from Floozie By French Frost but don't hold me to that...

W7 Bronzer Fever: This is my second time using this bronzer. I like that it has a little sparkle but I'm not wow-ed by this. It does the job. Just a warning, W7 website is really annoying as a first time user. I had three pop-ups, one which took me back to the homepage when I was so close to what I wanted. They are however incredibly affordable and have a VEGAN🍃 range. I am loving these cosmetics companies who are making an effort to appeal to all audiences. I may even get some of these products for my sister-in-law for Birthday/Christmas (yes I plan ahead this early)

Maybelline Brush: I have no idea what kind of brush this is so no point in guessing. I've had this brush since I was 14 years old. It was a freebie when I attended "Capital Xmas concert", back when Craig David had just brought out "Whats your flava" so doubt this is available anymore.

MaX Factor X Eye Luminizer: I'm not sure if I am using this correctly but I have found using this around my eyes is gentler than using a heavy foundation, but does a great job at brightening my dark circles and has a slightly polyfilla affect on some the lines I'm gaining (ugh; old age). This my be a product which has come to the end of its life however since it was a struggle to find a reputable site for the link on this one.

GOSH X-Ceptional foundation: Another budget products which I really liked. I was "12 Natural" and this was a really good match to my normal skin tone. It did a fab job of covering my blemishes and didn't dry out by the end of the day. I've only ever seen this for sale in Superdrug and at the small price of £7.99, what's the harm in giving it a go?

MAC In extreme dimension 3D black lash: This teeny tiny sample came with my recent birthday present from my MR. Fitting that I should try it out for the first time on our date night. As mentioned before, the Mr likes me in a lipstick and so every birthday/Christmas he purchases me a new MAC lipstick. Lucky gal I know. This was one of the freebie samples which came with his last order. I really liked the brush however at a steep £19.50 I'm not sure its worth it.... PLUS I was recently informed that these folks still test on animals. I'm not sure whether I will be purchasing their products in the future now unless they change their cruel ways.

Magical Halo Matte long lasting lipgloss: I fell in love with MAC matte some time ago care of a colleague who recommended it (by recommended, I complimented her and still do EVERYTIME she wears it and finally asked her what make it was). I love that Matte's generally have a long lasting finish as well as looking so glamorous and luxurious. This particular matte, goes on glossy and dries Matte. When I say dry, I mean to say it drains the moisture from your lips like soil which hasn't had a drop of moisture in months. Alone it isn't really a great finish. I top it up with a gloss and like the final affect. With a small price tag of £3.99 however no one can really complain. My colour was "10".


L'OREAL Color Riche eye colour pencil: This applies really quick and easy. You can get various effects by blending and using additional colours however for this date I decided on this colour (10. Sugar Vanilla) on its own. I like the simple colour however although it applies easily and stays put, but the end of the day this did look a little cracked and crunchy. Good for a night out, but not really all day. Another super cheap and cheerful however at £3.98.


Natural Collection Clear lip gloss: weirdly I cannot find the clear version of the gloss on boots website however I have had this gloss for at least 10 years so perhaps its no longer produced in clear. This a clear gloss however over the years of use and blending with other lipsticks its not entirely clear these days. Good ol classic and still cheap and cheerful.



Overall I was happy with how my face looked from morning til night. The other half prefers the red lipsticks (what man doesn't) however he did like this colour. He isn't sure about "dribble lips" (Gloss) but he did like that I looked natural (other than the lips).

As for Hastings.... it hasn't much changed from way back when, when my parents used to take me to the front for the amusements and rides. It has a really good antiques vibe in the backstreets with lots of quirky shops. I particularly loved some of the store/pub/restaurant fronts... I've pictured two below which I particularly liked.

Super cute right?



Style wise I went with a simple light denim dress with a huge oversized gridded jumper, leggings and most importantly I brought the Dr Martens back out of summer hibernation! Oh yeah I do love my Docs. They always take a little while to wear in, but after a month of solid wearing they remain the most comfy boots until they die...

That's all I have to say for this article. I hope you enjoyed and if you did please let me know in the comment and follow :)

Peace out ☮

Tis the season for WEDDINGS - Summer 2017

In the past month I have had the privilege to be a bridesmaid at two weddings. One was for my boyfriends sister, and the other for my best friend of 16 years. I'm not sure how many pictures either party would want me to include so.... here goes.

 Both weddings had one huge thing in common.... I love the brides a tonne.... as illustrated below........

 I digress... let me get back to the meat of the article. WEDDINGS. If you care to visit my pinterest page you will see that I've put a fair amount of thought in what I'd want for my own wedding. For both the blushing (ha ha ha, makes them seem innocent) brides I thoroughly enjoyed my bridesmaids duties.

Wedding 1 - The coopers

Wedding no.1 was my other half's sister. She is his younger sibling with an imagination and a half. She planned and executed most of the wedding whilst her groom remained focused on getting their first property purchase completed. This beautiful couple got engaged in Paris, on the Eiffel tower in 2015 (watch me be wrong on this date) and soon checked out wedding venues.

Their final choice of venue was:

Looks like Hogwarts from this angle. This is the roadside view which shows off the original and older ascetic. From the other side it is a little more modern, including a car park.... As a wedding venue this was really convenient. The wedding couple live up the road but also as it was a Best Western, it meant guests could stay over. Size wise the venue was a lovely size for the Cooper wedding party with a really traditional aesthetic which matches the above pictured exterior. As a venue, I could only point out one downfall which was that the bar was not in the same room as the main reception room. In the case of the Cooper wedding, luckily the personality of the majority of the guests meant that the wedding was still kept to the main reception room with brief visits to the bar. It did however mean that the party poopers stayed in the bar area (which was used by the rest of the hotel guests too) for most of the night, not involving themselves with the main wedding party (and PARTY it was).

Our bride no.1 was also a vegan and with that she brought a few twists I'd never seen at a wedding. The main meal included vegan options which is so rare but also the cake and cupcakes were all vegan. Some vegan options (by this i mean which are available in supermarkets) are grim replacements, such as vegan cheese. Violife smells and tastes like feet..... The cake however was one of the best cakes I've ever eaten! The icing was AMAZING. (sorry for the poor pic quality)

More quirks that our bride brought to this wedding was her choice of flowers and colours. Her favourite colour is electric/royal blue which was reflected in the brides parties flowers and clothing:

Wedding 2 - The Tamplin's

Wedding no.2 was my best friend of 16 years. Although not actual family, I've known this lovely lady so long that her family are just like family. I've been away with these lovely people on holiday and seen all her siblings finish primary school and begin secondary, finish secondary and then move onto jobs and adulthood. Her wedding was last night so not as many pictures as yet (being bridesmaid I was without my phone for most the time).

The Tamplin wedding was held in Bromley in:

As a venue this ticks all boxes really. The wedding, as it was a sunny day was held outside under a pergola. It was picturesque! The inside of the venue was decorated tastefully with the sit down meal and reception being held in the same area without the need to move tables. The bar was also in the main reception room. Although the picture above shows the lovely dated exterior of this venue, the indoor reception part of the wedding was held in a more modern extension of the building which didn't hold the same period charm. It was however a lovely big reception room which accommodated all the day and evening guests comfortably and kept the whole party together all night.

Food wise, we didn't have a food selection so the food chosen by the bride and groom were chosen to suit all. A Cesar salad, followed by a roast chicken main and a meringue, cream and ice cream desert. All three courses were delicious and also servings were really big for a three course meal.

Our bride no.2 decided not to have a number of floral room decorations nor bouquets. She worries these are costly and get wasted which is a huge pity. Instead she only chose to have button holes for the gents and one bouquet for herself. Instead us bridesmaids had fans to hold on the day which came in use on this hot September day!

Mine

I have provide you with a collage of what I'd like my wedding to be if i won the lottery and could have it all (can find links to all of these on my pinterest page):

As you can tell by the above, currently i have an idea of a red and navy wedding. This will likely never happen as my Mr hates Navy. Too school uniform in his mind. Oh well. A gal can dream....

ALSO.... not engaged.


Two beautiful days with two beautiful brides. I'm so happy to have been involved and privileged to have been bridesmaids for both these ladies!

Wishing them and their Hubby's many happy loved up years!

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